As a late twentysomething surrounded by friends whose conversations are full of words like â€śrings,â€ť â€śshowers,â€ť â€śdressesâ€ť and â€śbachelorette parties,â€ť itâ€™s easy to get sucked into the marriage cyclone that swirls around me constantly. Daily, and despite my best efforts to resist the pressure, I find myself thinking about what Iâ€™d ideally want in a ring or a wedding, and especially in a partner. And of course, when youâ€™ve been in a long relationship like I have, The Question is asked anytime anyone brings up the topic of dating, relationships, commitment or marriage. The Question Iâ€™m talking about is: â€śWhen are you getting married?â€ť
Or worse: â€śWhy arenâ€™t you married yet?â€ť
Tracy McMillanâ€™s new book, Why Youâ€™re Not Marriedâ€¦Yet, refocuses all the madness back to the most important question that people should be asking themselves when theyâ€™re thinking about taking this life-changing step:Â Am I ready to be married yet?
McMillan first tackles this question through a true-or-false quiz with prompts like, â€śIâ€™ve been told Iâ€™m needy. Which is bullshit,â€ť and â€śNice people bug the shit out of me,â€ť designed to see just how much you need the book and where you should start reading.Â She then lays out 10 of the biggest reasons why she thinks you may not be ready to be married. McMillan doesnâ€™t mince words, and the chapters have titles like â€śYouâ€™re a Mess,â€ť â€śYouâ€™re Crazy,â€ť and â€śYouâ€™re Shallow.â€ť
Though this may seem intimidating, each chapter explores an issue that may be lurking beneath the surface and poisoning your relationship readiness. For example, in the â€śYouâ€™re a Messâ€ť chapter, McMillan discusses how, if you donâ€™t know yourself or what you want to do with your life, it will be difficult to maintain a lasting relationship because you may not know what you want from a partner either.Â In â€śYouâ€™re Crazyâ€ť she talks about how insecurity can easily lead to acting out, making a scene, overreacting and pushing your partner away.Â â€śYouâ€™re Shallowâ€ť discusses how money and looks shouldnâ€™t be the only things on your mind if you want to build a serious, long-lasting and healthy relationship.
All in all, Why Youâ€™re Not Marriedâ€¦Yet has definitely helped me refocus on myself and think about whether Iâ€™m really ready despite what may be happening around me. While you may not think youâ€™re â€śa mess,â€ť â€ścrazyâ€ť or â€śshallow,â€ť several other issues are explored in an in-depth way in this book. I think it definitely lives up to its subtitle:Â The Straight Talk You Need to Get the Relationship You Deserve.