So far this month, Niurka, author of Supreme Influence, has taught us how to create better understanding in our relationships by asking good questions. Today, we decided to ask her some questions about her book, thinking before you speak and meditation. If you’d like to learn more from this communications dynamo in person, you can enter her contest to win a “Supreme Inf’uence in Action” package valued at $10,000. Visit niurkainc.com for more information.
Books for Better Living: Who did you write this book for? Who can benefit?
Niurka: Fascinatingly enough, the opening line of my book is “I am writing this book for the One – you.” I wrote this book for every “One.” People of all ages, and in all stages and walks of life. Why? Because everyone communicates. And I feel certain that everyone who reads this book will benefit from gaining a greater understanding about how language shapes reality.
From the moment a child is conceived, he or she is influenced by everything in their environment. Regardless of the mother or father’s age, culture or beliefs — a child (and ultimately our world) will benefit when each parent (or person) is living in Supreme Influence, meaning that he or she is thinking and communicating in a purposeful, powerful and loving way with one another, with the world around them and with themselves.
When a mother communicates in Supreme Influence she emanates a life-affirming vibe that inspires creativity, cooperation and conscious evolution. Conversely, if a mother consistently complains in an irritated tone about feeling stressed, overwhelmed or tired, the child hears that too. The frequency arising from within the mother permeates each cell of her and her child’s being, while evoking a corresponding atmosphere. Everything is interconnected in a unified web. A mother’s communication has an immeasurable ripple effect. It not only influences her child, but also her projects, as well as her relationship with her partner, family, team members, community and most importantly, her relationship with herself.
BBL: What’s the most common communication mistake you see people make.
Niurka: One of the most common communication mistakes people make is talking too much, and listening too little.
And it’s not just about listening to the person whom you are communicating with. It’s about listening to your own soul. Your higher intuitive intelligence is always broadcasting guidance to you, but you won’t even hear the download if your mind is filled with chatter. Quiet the mind. Practice as the Bible teaches: Be still and know that I AM.
One common cause of poor listening skills is lack of awareness. In NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming) there is a term called sensory acuity, which means having the keen awareness to recognize subtle moment-to-moment shifts in one’s own internal state, as well as the state (including the verbal and nonverbal communication) of others. Masters of communication pay attention to the subtleties – they have supreme sensory acuity!
BBL: You attribute great power to words and advise people to be choose their words carefully. What do you say to those people who tend to speak before they think—how can we slow down?
Niurka: In my courses and retreats I teach daily practices and simple meditations to center and ground your being. These rituals are central to my life’s work and when practiced faithfully, ensure that you don’t react to life’s circumstances but rather you consciously respond — with clear intent, and without fear.
If in the past you’ve tended to speak before thinking and you want to slow down and communicate with greater purpose, poise, precision and power, then begin by clarifying your intent. Especially before engaging in a conversation. Say to yourself, I intend to stay present, grounded, and loving throughout this entire conversation. I will pause and inhale a breath before I choose to speak. This approach gives you amplified choice. If in the moment of conversation you find yourself reacting, then invite the person whom you are communicating with to join you for a walk. Allow the movements in your body to clear the energy as you inhale a conscious breathe. As you open and uplift your physiology you will naturally elevate your mental and emotional state. True brilliance in communication is about having awareness and discipline to know when it’s wise to speak, and when it’s wise to be still and listen. After all, sometimes what you don’t say speaks louder than what you do say.
BBL: I tend to say, “I need” to do this or that, which, I see from your book, might be undermining my own best interests. How can I change or reframe this kind of statement?
Niurka: As mentioned above, awareness is the first step. The moment you catch yourself saying phrases like “I need this or that,” you are aware, which means that you have choice! In that moment, you are no longer bound by old states of neediness. You are free!
Ultimately it’s wise to consider your genuine intent before speaking it into existence. Do you really “need” something, or are you inspired to create it? Do you need to make a phone call, or are you committed to connect? Do you need to eat, or are you ready to enjoy a meal? Do you need to meet a deadline, or are you focused on achieving a goal?
How you frame your language frames your experience. When you are conscious of what you intend to convey and you communicate congruently, your message has power. Therefore, invest a moment to choose your words with care. Your life will reflect that which you articulate.
BBL: You devote part of your book to meditation. How does meditation relate to your approach to language?
Niruka: Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart said, “The music is not in the notes, but in the silence between.” Without space, music (and communication) would just be noise. There would be no distinctions, no accentuation of a single, beautiful note. It would be…chaos!
Meditation creates space — between thoughts, between words — allowing you to observe your own mindscape, freeing you of any old reactive tendencies or belief systems from the past that no longer serve your magnificence. Meditation is akin to polishing the mirror of your life. If a mirror is tarnished and you look into it, you can’t see a clear reflection, and without clarity it’s hard to make wise choices. But when you polish the mirror of your life through meditation, you become clear and self-aware.
This clarity allows you to perceive life through the lens of possibility rather than problem, and unity rather than separation. In this state of heightened awareness, you will naturally choose your language wisely and be a model of possibility for everyone you encounter.
Niurka is giving away a “Supreme Inf’uence in Action” package valued at $10,000. Visit niurkainc.com for more information.