Being single during the holidays can be a total drag. Canoodling couples, cheesy commercials—it’s enough to make even the strongest among us want to fall into a Netflix-induced coma till spring. But if you’re really interested in meeting men, relationship coach Matthew Hussey doesn’t want you relying on fate, writing Santa, or hibernating on the couch. He wants you RSVPing “yes” to every invitation and applying his advice on how to meet new people at parties so you can finally find the love of your life.
Develop Your Social Skills
First things first: you’re social—even if you don’t think you are. Hussey points out that sociability “is a species trait, not an individual one. Learning how to talk to people is about developing a skill, not changing who you are.” Get in some practice by talking to everyone. Chat with the person behind you in line at the store, the barista, your doorman. Set a goal of not leaving the gym until you talk to three people, or to three new men every day. Get used to talking to strangers you’re not attracted to; it takes the pressure off talking to those you are. It’s scary at first, but your life won’t change if you don’t. Think of it this way, you never know who might introduce you to “The One,” so start channeling your inner goddess and fake that confidence till it’s the real thing.
Get Ready for WAR (aka, Working a Room)
Once you’ve mastered chatting up strangers, it will be much easier for you to meet guys. When you arrive at a party, resist the urge to hide in a corner with your phone. Instead, take a mindful approach by surveying the room for a few minutes. Then get moving. Imagine yourself bouncing off people, gliding around confidently, keeping the conversation light. It doesn’t have to be earth-shattering; focus on getting names and making sure people know yours. It can be as simple as asking someone how they know the host or asking the guy next to you what the bar’s best cocktail is. Remember—every relationship starts with a conversation.
Flirt with Intention
Hopefully, mingling will put you in front of someone you wouldn’t mind getting caught with under the mistletoe. Instead of asking non-sexy resume questions (what do you do, where did you go to school, snore), why not get playful and ask questions that pinpoint his values? Ask things like, “If you could wake up anywhere in the world tomorrow, where would it be?” Or, “If every job paid the same, what would you be doing?” No matter his answer, you’ll get a much better understanding of who he really is. Bonus points for giving him a “test” question. Ask him something like, “If you could only have eggnog or hot chocolate for the rest of your life, what would it be?” It’s not just a flirty way to get to know him, but he’ll feel good if he answers “correctly”—or he’ll subconsciously work to prove himself if he doesn’t.
Get the Guy
You’ll know pretty quickly if a guy is worth more of your time, so the question is, how do you get him to ask you out? You do it by planting the seeds of meeting up. For example, if you both haven’t seen a popular movie, you can joke about being the last two people on Earth who haven’t seen it, and suggest going together. You’re not asking for a date, but floating the idea of meeting up in a playful way. When it’s time to part ways, it’ll make the exchange of numbers that much easier. You’ll be putting the ball in his court to ask you directly. Or if you are feeling bold, you could give him your number and suggest you meet for that movie. If he never calls, so what? You’ll have met so many guys by the end of the night that it won’t matter!
For more no-nonsense, gimmick-free tips on how to find, get, and keep the man of your dreams, give yourself the gift of Matthew Hussey’s bestselling guide to dating, Get the Guy.
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