Whether your 2012 was sexy enough to make E.L. James blush or totally G-rated, the New Year is a great time to reflect and set realistic goals that will make 2013 your spiciest year yet.
1. Try the 90-Day Oral Sex Challenge. Feel up for some adventure? Take a suggestion from sexologist (and author) Jaiya and commit to having oral sex with your partner at least once a day for 90 straight days. The consistency and frequency will make it easy for you and your partner to deepen your intimacy and get past your usual oral sex routine.
Suggested reading: Blow Each Other Away, Jaiya, Three Rivers Press
2. Experiment with at least one “kinky” move or activity. Whether you consider yourself an experienced sexpert or a blushing novice, set a goal to try one new thing (role play? a toy? sex with the lights on?) this year. If it doesn’t work for you, move on. But there’s always a chance those fuzzy handcuffs will end up as a mainstay in your repertoire.
Suggested reading: Fifty Shades of Pleasure, Marisa Bennett, Skyhorse Publishing
3. Work out your kisser with regular tongue exercises. You might have fitness goals like extra treadmill miles or squat repetitions on your resolution list, but what about exercising one of your sexiest body parts: your mouth! Get your tongue, cheeks and facial muscles in shape with some simple stretching and movement techniques. You’ll be ready for prolonged make outs and more in no time.
Suggested reading: Blow Him Away, Marcy Michaels, Three Rivers Press
4. Reflect and Vocalize. Nothing’s sexier than a woman who knows what she wants. Make sure you’re listening to your body—in the bedroom and out—so that you can take control with your partner and communicate what you like. If you’re feeling any shame about your body, address those feelings and work on overcoming them in a healthy way. And resolve to never let anyone pressure you into something you aren’t comfortable with.
Suggested reading: Sex for One, Betty Dodson, Three Rivers Press
5. Learn to give a really, really, scorchingly good massage. There’s a reason so many movie sex scenes start with a casual, and seemingly innocent, massage. There’s something incredibly sexy about the combination of skin-to-skin contact and relaxation-inducing touches. Why not learn a few tips from massage pros and take your touch game to the next level.
Suggested reading: Red Hot Touch, Jaiya, Three Rivers Press
6. Get educated about your health. When was the last time you had a physical? How many veggies are you eating per week? Are you hydrated? Without guilting yourself, think of a few areas of general health that you could improve—maybe it’s learning about your body from a classic book like Our Bodies, Ourselves, maybe it’s committing to eating more fresh foods. Nothing is sexier than a healthy body.
Suggested reading: Our Bodies, Ourselves, Boston Women’s Health Book Collective, Touchstone
7. Position yourself for new thrills. Nothing spices up a sex life faster than trying out a new position—for oral or intercourse or even just for kissing. Worst-case scenario: You both end up laughing at your flexibility limitations.
Suggested reading: The Modern Kama Sutra, Kamini and Kirk Thomas, Da Capo Press
8. Spice things up outside the bedroom. Sometimes the sexiest encounters start with a fully clothed conversation, a single text or an innuendo-laced note in a strategic place. Without getting yourself fired, or caught by roommates, get suggestive with your partner at 11 a.m. on a Wednesday, or in the middle of a dinner date, or anywhere, with a few words that make it clear you can’t wait for some private time together.
Suggested reading: Flirtexting, Debra Goldstein & Olivia Baniuszewicz, SkyHorse Publishing
9. Remember to laugh. Have some fun with your partner and make sure you can both laugh at yourself. Try playing a round of strip poker together or buy some cheeky games, like this Sexy Bing-Oh! to keep things light.
Suggested game: Sexy Bing-OH! Potter Style
10. Exude confidence (and really feel it). Feeling burned out after the holiday season? Maybe being tired, stuffed full of cookies and exhausted from the hustle-bustle has you feeling less than sexy. Make it a goal to spend quality time on something that makes you feel irresistible—maybe it’s a splurge on a manicure, a really great yoga class or upgrading to an expensive bra. Figure out what makes you feel good and commit to doing it regularly.