In The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages, Shaunti Feldhahn shares her findings of little, very unexpected, often overlooked actions that make a huge difference. You’ll discover that highly happy couples:
• Go to bed mad
• Keep score (just not in the way you think)
• Boss their feelings around
• Have factual fantasies
• Get in over their heads
• Don’t tell it like it is
• Don’t look to marriage to make them happy
When individuals were asked if a particular action made them happy, the affirmative response numbers were staggeringly high for five specific actions for each gender … what we might call the Fantastic Five.
The Fantastic Five for Him
A wife will have a big impact on her husband’s happiness when she does the following.
1. Notices his effort and sincerely thanks him for it.
2. Says “You did a great job at ____.”
3. Mentions in front of others something he did well.
4. Shows that she desires him sexually and that he pleases her sexually.
5. Makes it clear to him that he makes her happy.
The Fantastic Five For Her
On his side, a husband will have a big impact on his wife when he does the following.
1. Takes her hand.
2. Leaves her a message by voice mail, e-mail, or text during the day to say he loves her and is thinking about her.
3. Puts his arm around her or lays his hand on her knee when they are sitting next to each other in public.
4. Tells her sincerely “You are beautiful.”
5. Pulls himself out of a funk when he’s morose, grumpy, or upset about something, instead of withdrawing.
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