How to Ask Good Questions

Niurka's tips for asking important questions in empowering ways.

The quality of the questions you ask will determine the results you achieve. If you ask a disempowering question, you will attract unwanted experiences. However, when you ask questions with purpose, poise, precision and power you create the conditions for your dreams to become real. You have the power to ask questions that summon magnificence. Below are five simple steps to support you in accomplishing just that:

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1. Center and ground yourself.
It is unwise to ask questions if you are in a scattered or disempowered state because your perception will be off and your queries will be laced with uncertainty. First and foremost, clear your mind and center your being. You can accomplish this by observing your breath and becoming mindful of your physiology, as you elongate your spine. Tune into the stillness. Then, with your intention, send an energetic cord from your core all the way down into the core of mother earth so you feel grounded and supported. This practice helps clear and calm your mind, which prepares you to communicate effectively and authentically.

2.  Clarify your intent.
Being clear on your intent before entering into any conversation is essential for success. Ask yourself, What is my ultimate outcome? What is it that I am genuinely inspired to create, experience or achieve? Is this the highest choice? Does it resonate? Is it in alignment with my true purpose? Asking questions such as these creates fluency.

3.  Listen to your inner wisdom.
How does your body feel? Do you feel resistance or flow? Pay attention to your emotions because they offer valuable feedback, illuminating whether or not you (and your question) are in alignment with your Supreme Self. When you feel congruent, proceed to step 4.

If you feel negative emotion, do not resist; instead become curious. Negative emotions serve a purpose – they reveal something to you. If you are feeling negative emotion, it’s important to discern what is going on within you. Before you communicate with another you want to be in communion with yourself. Ask, What is the highest intent of this emotion?

4.  Articulate good questions to ask others.
Now that you have accomplished steps 1-3, it is time to formulate questions that support you in collaborating with others.

Here’s the key: Craft questions that contain presuppositions that move you in the direction you want the conversation to go. Do not ask questions that you don’t want the answer to. If your marriage appears to be falling apart and you want to heal it, do not ask, Why is this relationship failing? Instead, ask, What is there to learn, and how can I integrate the learning, let go of grievances and connect anew?

Here are a few other examples:

If you want to present someone with a business opportunity, it’s important to discover his or her core values. You could ask: What specifically is most important to you in a business opportunity?

If your friend is nervous about taking a test, you could help her evoke an empowering state by asking, How easily can you remember a time when you felt calm and certain?

Suppose a coworker or friend is stuck in a reoccurring problem, and they can’t see a way out. You could support them by asking, What wouldn’t happen if you didn’t have this problem? In NLP (neuro-linguistic programing), this is considered a “Quantum Linguistic” question, which cannot be answered within the paradigm of the old problem. In other words, a person must look outside the boundaries of the seeming problem to answer this question.

5.  Create an environment that is conducive for dialogue.
Even if you have a good question, it is foolish to ask if distracting energies are present. For example, if you are experiencing a challenge with a loved one and you want to create clarity and move toward a solution, it’s unwise to ask if they are preoccupied. Instead let them know that you have something important to share, and request a good time to meet for an uninterrupted discussion. Then select a quiet place, or go for a walk. This approach sets the stage for a genuine exchange.

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Supreme Influence by Niurka
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