This is the first post in our Valentine’s Day series, to help you get ready for Valentine’s Day in a happy and healthy way. We’re kicking off the series with a post from the amazing Katherine Woodward Thomas, author of Calling in “The One,” who shares her 3 steps to finding love, just in time for Valentine’s Day!
When I asked Jennifer, age 43 what her pattern was in love, she looked at me blankly with dark, sad eyes. “No pattern,” she replied shaking her head from side to side, “I’ve not had a date in 5 years. No one ever asks me out.” In Jennifer’s case, the absence of a pattern is actually the pattern!
How is it that some women are like honey to bees, getting hit on everywhere they go, while other decent, caring and even attractive women remain perpetually invisible to the opposite sex, and therefore single year after tedious year?
It’s a fascinating phenomenon. Is it the way they dress? The way they move? They aren’t always even the most beautiful women, and certainly not the kindest, or most generous. What is that magical ingredient that makes a woman wildly magnetic to love and, more importantly, is it genetic or can it be learned?
What if I told you that, no matter how barren your love life has been, you could turn it all around, transforming yourself from a wall flower into a mysterious, magnetic Queen Bee that men love to swarm around, in just 3 simple steps?
Step Number One: Understand Yourself as the Source of Your Pattern in Love.
It’s easy to point the finger at all of the external reasons why we aren’t getting the love and attention we so deeply desire. Men don’t like powerful women. All the good ones are taken. And the one we’ve all said at some point, “I just haven’t met the right person.”
Yet, when we turn our attention inwards to discover our internal obstacles to love, and become willing to take responsibility for all the unconscious, covert ways we are keeping it at bay, we begin to access the power we need to change the pattern at its very root.
In order to understand ourselves as the source of our pattern of chronic invisibility, aloneness, or rejection, we give up shaming and blaming ourselves, and become curious to discover exactly how we are covertly pushing potential partners away, so that we can begin to make different choices in order to create different results.
Step Two: Connect with the Deeper Truth of Your Own Value and Worthiness to be Loved.
The truth is, men love women who love themselves. Contrary to common assumptions, self-love is not all bubble baths and shopping sprees. It is the willingness to become aware of the false beliefs you have about your own value and worthiness to be loved, and to challenge those beliefs, taking a ferocious stand for the truth of who you are, and what is possible for you to have in your life. It’s about the effort to connect with your authentic value, and then begin aligning how you are relating to men in ways that are consistent with your value.
Step Three: Welcome in Your Desires.
Desire is the most powerful magnet on the planet. Yet, inside of being centered in doubts about our value, and an assumption that we can’t have what we want, we have shut down our desire for love, becoming “unmagnetic” in the process. Yet, in connecting with the deeper truth of your worthiness to be loved, and in recognizing that you actually do hold the power to create love in your life, you can afford to begin feeling into all that you deeply desire to experience, express, create and contribute to and with a partner.
In the process, you find yourself becoming powerfully magnetic, as men suddenly find themselves vying for the opportunity to fulfill your desires. And inside of being centered in the truth of your own value, you can let go of trying to control the outcome of these encounters, and simply play with the energies of eros coming your way, enjoying the dance, setting the limits you want, and creating space in your life to receive the fulfillment of all of your yearnings.